Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
