Four minutes until I can fart!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
