why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
