he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
