You don't have asthma, your pregnant
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
tell me about the fingering
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