Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
