I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
