Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
