Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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