She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
