Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
