you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
