Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
