someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
