How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
