You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
