Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
