I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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