Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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