I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
