Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
