So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
