I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
