So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
