He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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