My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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