Buhtt sex?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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