He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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