You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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