this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can't talk, ducks in the car
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
