I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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