Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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