why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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