i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
