the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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