Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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