I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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