hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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