there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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