she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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