I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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