Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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