ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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