well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
