ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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