The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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