I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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