just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
tell me about the eggs
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
