I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
