woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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