i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
