I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
