how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
