Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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