The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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