just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
