I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
