the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
