the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
