This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
