Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
